I remember back in the day when we had you around to fix the holes in the walls and repair that dangerously-unstable loft on the second floor...
Boy, those were the days! But now that you're not around anymore, the house is getting hard to maintain. Hey - while we're on the subject, are you free this weekend? Oh, great! Come on down to the fraternity house and bring your tool bag.
"I have a real job now" you say? Too busy to spend your weekend repairing the 20-year-old water heater in the basement or repairing the tread on the back staircase? Well that's quite alright too! We'd happily hire someone else for the job -- Just follow the instructions on the left to keep our house looking as good as it did back in your day (or maybe even a little bit better).
Thank you in advance for your generous donations -- every dollar counts!